![]() ![]() Have your next door neighbor come over each day at 5 am, and blow a whistle so loud that Helen Keller could hear it and shout “Reveille, Reveille, all hands heave out and trice up.”.Raise your bed to within 6 inches of the ceiling, if you don’t have a closet shelf.On Saturdays and Sundays declare to your entire family that they used too much water during the week, so all showering is secured. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays turn your water temperature up to 200 degrees, then on Tuesday and Thursday turn it down to 10 degrees.Every couple of weeks, dress up in your best clothes and go the scummiest part of town, find the most run down, trashy bar you can, pay $10 per beer until you’re hammered, then walk home in the freezing cold.Pump 10 inches of nasty, crappy water into your basement, then pump it out, clean up, and paint the basement “deck gray.”.Run all of the piping and wires inside your house on the outside of the walls.Buy a dumpster, paint it gray and live in it for 6 months straight.Put a lamp shade on your head, tuck your levi trouser legs into the tops of your socks and sit on the floor of your closet with the light out until some one yells, “Secure from general quarters”.Say (once again to nobody in particular) “Stove secured.” Roll up the headphone cord and put them away. Say (to nobody in particular) “Stove manned and ready.” Stand there for 3 or 4 hours. Put on the headphones from your stereo (don’t plug them in).Every so often, throw your cat into the swimming pool, shout “Man overboard, ship recovery!”, run into the kitchen and sweep all the pots/pans/dishes/silverware off of the counter onto the floor, then yell at your wife for not having the place “stowed for sea.”.Then spread icing really thick on one side to level off the top. Prop up one side of the pan while it is baking. ![]()
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